This blog is personal to the point of being maudlin. I may be writing for myself alone, or hoping for a Joseph who can interpret dreams.
Last night I had the third in a series of repetitive dreams with the same motif. These dreams have occurred roughly a year apart. In them I am with Anne and a small group of other unknown but friendly folks. We are looking at property. In the first dream it was a motel, in the second an old house, and last night a school building--one story with separate access to each classroom from outside. Our concern in the dream is that persons unknown, but that we care about, have their own space in a larger communal setting. "Would so-and-so like this?" "Would so-and-so fit here?"
In all three dreams the property needs to be cleaned up, but not renovated. It is structurally sound, but the flower beds need weeding, and a screw needs tightening, or a door needs painting. All the basic essentials are there--it only needs cosmetic work. We are excited.
The atmosphere of the dreams is not gloomy or fearful, rather the opposite. I am usually in a deep sleep when these occur, and everything is sunny and in technicolor. There is always a landscape: trees, sweeping green lawns, and flowers. We are hopeful, and talkative, and pointing at this or that. The place evidently perfectly meets some important need.
Waking up from these dreams is different. I weep as I come into consciousness. There is a deep sense of loss. I can't go back to sleep, and the atmosphere of the dream stays with me for days. Prophetic? Something from the sub-conscious? Something from the past? The fact that they are repetitive and very intense is significant.
Interpreting dreams is difficult because it is easy to introduce extraneous ideas, but I do think of two possibilities. One is my life-long fascination with the Ephesians 4 model of the church. There is some connection here to the need for individuals to have their special space in a larger community. I've run from this model for years (because it is almost impossible to bring to birth and sustain), but it is apparently going to assault me in the middle of the night.
The other is more obvious. Yesterday I went to a seminar put on by Moral Kombat, a program used by juvenile officers to teach values, tolerance, and proper self-image to teen-agers. The statistics were troublesome. 10% of teen-agers are gay or bi-sexual. 30% of teen suicides are because of struggles with sexual identity. Most have no concept of proper ethics in relationships or in the work place. Commitment to long term relationships is difficult for them. Please understand I am not playing "ain't it awful." But my heart goes out to these that are simply lost (even though I can no longer speak Adolescent), and need a safe room in the company of safe people who can hold them until their roots are firmly planted.
These dreams may be all about church.
keep dreaming and writing.
ReplyDeleteDad,
ReplyDeleteIsn't every church an Ephesians 4 church, to a lesser or greater degree? Or at least every church should be, or be trying to be, whether folks are living in direct physical community or not. They should still each be ministering to one another according to the grace given each.
It seems to me that there is a longing within you for the ideal, and "experiencing" it in your dreams would create a deep sense of loss when the ideal is contrasted with the reality you see around you.
But I think you're already living in the building, and have been. Three years ago you were still feeling transient (motel), then you felt at home (house), and now you're able to share what you've learned with others (school). The place where you are is good, it's landscaped and beautiful, but it still needs weeds pulled and screws tightened to bring it in line with the ideal for which you long, and to make it ready.
And I have a sense that there are people there already, you just don't see them in the dream because you're focused on what it could be more than what it is. And that's ok - it's someone else's job to see and help the folks who are there - it's yours to look forward to what it could be and call out "Come up higher!", or, if you will, "Further up and further in!"
Just what occurred to me.
Kyrie Eleison,
David